Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
