3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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