Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
