he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
