i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dick very happy bro
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
