trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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