yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
