I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
