Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
