Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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