You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
