____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
