she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
