Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
