It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
