Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i believe in u and ur pee
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