I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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