I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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