I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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