I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
