i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
