so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
