dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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