I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
