these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize