it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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