While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
