Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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