I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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