I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize