i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
