So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
