Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
