So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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