Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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