i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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