my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
worst night to have a conscience
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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