it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
