what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
