I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
