Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
