Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
