you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
