Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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