i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
