don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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