I could make wine with my vomit
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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