is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
