He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
