Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
