I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
