I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
