now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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