Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
