so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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