One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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