remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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