Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
