he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got her a Nickelback box set.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
