Don't you send me to vm
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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