you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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