Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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