I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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