What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He kissed a someone with a penis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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