I heard we made out
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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