Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
