made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
