Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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