garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize