someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
