No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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