those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
