I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
