i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
