Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
