It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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