There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
