If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
