1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
